With a doctor’s appointment at 2:30 PM, I didn’t have much else planned for today. Last night, however, I saw an article in the paper about the annual Columbus Day Parade. Given all the controversy surrounding Columbus, I was a bit surprised that Chicago still had a Columbus Day Parade—it has never been on my radar screen. But something in the article intrigued me: The organizers had invited the Ukrainians to participate, which, I assumed, was their way of showing support for Ukraine in its battle with Russia.

Having followed the Ukrainian demonstrations in Chicago, I decided that I might snag a photograph or two if I headed downtown early. Turns out the Italian-Americans were not single-minded in their benevolence. In walking through the parade staging area, I saw floats, drill teams, and dancers representing a wide variety of heritages, including people tracing their origins to Africa, Greece, Ireland, Nepal, Pakistan, Philippines, Poland, South Korea, and Thailand.

The parade organizers had seemingly discovered a way to address Columbus’ now tarnished legacy: Make the annual celebration more inclusive; one that honors immigrants from many lands. As I watched the parade roll by, I thought the controversy over Columbus Day is rather contrived. I acknowledge that Christopher Columbus was not the innocent explorer that we learned about in grade school. Nor was he the first to set foot on this continent. He did not treat the inhabitants he encountered kindly, but world history is replete with many conquerers who did so at the point of a sword or other weapon.

The Columbus Day Parade, however, has little to do with Columbus and his exploits. As formulated, it celebrates the heritage that Italian immigrants brought with them. The majority of the floats are sponsored by restaurants, associations of Italian merchants, and family-owned businesses, and are filled with beauty pageant winners, local dignitaries (like perennial pol Bob Fioretti), and high school marching bands. By far, the highlight of this year’s parade was the Jesse White Tumblers, who are simply amazing. Coming in second were the classic Italian sports cars.

From a visual standpoint, the parade was a total disaster. First, unlike parade scene in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, the crowds lining State Street today weren’t even one-person deep in many places. Admittedly, the movie was a bit hazy in terms of identifying exactly what its parade was celebrating. Some of the scenes were filmed during a German-American procession celebrating Von Steuben Day, but one casting call brought forth some 10,000 extras on a fall Saturday for a staged parade.

Second, although the marching bands sported vibrant military-style uniforms, many schlubs marched along as band minders, showing up in blue jeans and sweatshirts, which undermined the otherwise colorful and neatly pressed attire on display. Too many other schlubs tagged along on or walked beside the floats. Many of them scrolled through their Facebook feeds or text messages rather than waving at the spectators. They were certainly not in the moment.

Third, the floats are pretty dismal and unimaginative. Each float should be self-propelled. Large SUVs and pickup trucks pulling the floats destroys the illusion.

Fourth, the musical selections lacked imagination. I spotted an Elvis impersonator, a band doing a rockin’ version of Billy Joel’s Only the Good Die Young, and a woman engaged in rather nondescript song.

In short, the entire affair seemed a captive of a bygone era. To the extent Columbus was represented, he was the character in the song In 1492 Columbus Sailed the Ocean Blue that everyone sang back in grade school. As a cartoon character, Columbus was hardly venerated — although I did see one group holding signs demanding that the Columbus statue be returned to Grant Park.

Given the lackluster attendance, I have trouble believing this parade will survive much longer. Granted the Loop is still suffering from the work-at-home trend brought by Covid, but I doubt whether the attendance would have been significantly higher had workers already returned to Loop offices.

While Republicans running for statewide office were out in force, the Democrats opted for virtue signaling by “boycotting” the parade. Neither Governor Pritzker nor Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot participated in the festivities. They must be very confident in their re-election prospects. Sometime down the line, they will undoubtedly look for support from the parade sponsors, including the restaurants, grocery stores, unions, and construction contractors.

As for the Native Americans: I did not see any demonstrators along the parade route. They chose to counter-program at other sites, celebrating Native Americans in a variety of ways. Next year, I will most likely balance my efforts by attending one of those celebrations.

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